sinko de drinko

went out last night. to the Distillery, it was the SellOut Kings last show... parked my car and was walking away and turned around for some reason and realized the car i parked one car away from was bonds, i thought... so yeah that started the anxiety... cassie was on her way so i got a beer and waited for her. she got there and we fought our way to back bar... went to dance. and the spot she picked in the crowd was right next to him, though she did it inadvertently. i think he walked away, i felt bad, it wasn't on purpose, she just found an empty-ish spot... so then andrea said she was on her way so we waited by the door, again by him, again not on purpose... see where this story is going??? so we all did shots. mary got there. went and danced. she only stayed a lil bit. Cassie and I walked her home and came back. sat down for the rest of the night... came home to an IM from someone that wasn't on my buddy list... and it was bond. first contact in 2 weeks and what, 4 days... so i left him a voicemail. i almost wish i had texted him cause now i dont remember exactly what i said, though i know there's some silence in there... so we'll see what happens i guess...

thorn in my side

everyday i logon and reread my vow to myself. every freaking day. not that there is that much temptation to do it that often, but i need a reminder. like a thorn in my side. things got so out of whack in my life for awhile. someone wise who is no longer in my life said the most cliche thing but i dont think i had ever heard it before, "it's called making love for a reason"

so he hasn't talked to me for two weeks and still everyone who knows him said that it's not like him. oh well, something musta happened. i assume he's still alive, as none of his friends have said anything to the contrary. i want my book back. i told nemesis that and she said do you really need this book... no, but i want it... it was my cheer up book, which is why i gave it to bond in the first place, he needed a good laugh...

i probably should have thought of a better title, as i am no longer having sex and i'm trying to find a different job...

my solemn vow

I will not have sex again until I am in love.

this is getting over you

this is getting over you... didnt even think i had to... but you have made that crystal clear... and in such a roundabout way... the things you changed, you didnt even have the gumption to say something to my face... wow... thought you were bigger than that... and if you've done this because of something that might be, and if you read this, i assume you'll know what i'm talking about... if you're running because of that, then that's just childish... and if you're running because of something i did, i dont even know what i did cause when you left on wednesday everything seemed fine... no goodbye kiss like always... what changed? i think you owe that to me to tell me why you've ever so subtly cut me out of your life... or do you owe it to me? did i put more stock into our friendship than you did? was i just a random person to hang out with and have fun with? or was i truly a friend?... i guess time will tell, cause i'm sure as hell not contacting you.

oh so very much

So much has happened. I don't even want to blog it cause I know I'll leave something important out... I'm going to attempt to do a bulletted list without too many details and if anyone reads this who wants them, they can email me and ask or whatever...

• Talked to Bond about his blog, helped me understand him more and I told him a few things... they didn't end up working out, and it's making me think more
• Went to Chevelle, Finger Eleven, Strata concert at headliners on monday, got purse and cdplayer faceplate stolen from car... they got everything cept my license and car key... stayed at Bond's house that night. he held me. i liked it.
• Cancelled all my cards, got locks changed on apartment, figured out how they got into my car
• Got purse back yesterday, everything still inside except my darvocet, debit and credit cards... all things irreplaceable were still there

je ne regret rien

I have always been proud of my ability to live my life with no regrets. Whatever I did, I wanted it at the time. And that's fine.

I am very attracted to someone. Sometimes I think he likes me back in the same way, until just now, when I read his blog. I was one of the people that convinced him to get a blog. And now in my routine maybe once a week reading it I find out that he doesn't. Posted tuesday, and then after last night / this morning, I'm so confused.

lazy days

haven't updated for a bit so decided to jump on. bond got a blog, as evidenced by his comment on my page. i've got alot in my head right now. been thinking too much. oh well. gotta go clean the shizznit out of my apartment.