rotating away

yeah, the previous post was definately true. i felt it and wrote it and it happened. we're going to just be friends. it's ok. i feel at peace. fate. it's all fate. there are things i can control, small things, which i definately let get away from me. i believe it's time to reevaluate. everything. i did like him, i liked him alot. he is a good guy. no question. but he said it's not there for him. and i respect and understand that. i have to reevaluate what i believe in. i dont know anymore. i feel like there is a big part of me missing, a big part of the world that i dont understand, and i want that understanding, i want that inner peace. i want to be ok with being by myself, i want to be ok with just staying at home, i want to be ok with waiting, for some reason i dont think i'm entirely ok with these things. i wasnt completely in control of my convictions and beliefs when i met him and thats why things escalated to the point they did so quickly. honestly i feel like i would have waited and put off more it would still have ended, though possibly not so fast. i was realistic though, i knew he was leaving in like two months. i need to become more in tune with what i want in life and how i want to go about achieving it. i look like i have things together on the outside, but sometimes inside i doubt myself. he brought up something in me. after i met him two boys started talking to me on a regular basis again, granted one is back with his ex, but i'm still talking to the other, Surrent, more often and i think it has to do with my confidence. granted it's a little down right this moment, but it'll be back up after i write enough. i think i'm done with this one...